the war outside our door keeps raging on hold onto this lullaby even when the music’s gone
this month has been a whirlwind of emotions. highs and lows, trials and triumphs. reuniting, reminiscing, yearning, missing, wanting... the list goes on.
However, despite my every day hurdles, my reality was shaken in such a way that i don't think many ever have the ability of experiencing, opening my eyes to the truths of things, rather than the little things that in the bigger picture, don't matter. I won't go as far to say this was a luxury, because in this certain situation, i would hardly consider it a luxury. but considering the proximity of things, and the challenges that arose... i'm able to put things into perspective.
I can't say how long this new found realization will last. most likely, once i have to experience first hand struggles, frustrations and hurt, i will lose all sense of this concept. but for now, i'm taking it with me as i continue to move forward to wherever it is i am headed.
miracles can happen in multiple forms to many different people. sometimes, the smallest act of kindness is a miracle, depending on the situation. it's entirely subjective. but i know for a fact that i have personally experience a fair share of miracles. and most recently, the life of a little girl who at one year old, is probably one of the strongest people i know. If only i could be as resilient as she is, in my petty every day drama.
But, not every emotion that i face is drama. it's entirely real, and i don't want to push it aside as though it means nothing. stepping up to the plate to offer the kindness and support to others is another miracle, one, that i hold close. Helping those i love when they need me most, gives me the reassurance that i matter. Being this support system for others as they face turmoil, as they grieve, and as they move past things out of their control, gets me through my every day drama. because the feelings they may be feeling are anything but fake. and me being able to give my encouragement, my words, and my understanding... is what i consider an important part of who i am. Perhaps, everyone is someone's miracle.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Awakening
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. You think your dreams are the same as mine
it's amazing the emotions that surface when you feel the concept of warmth again. You are awakened from this slumber you may not have even known you were in. it's like you are suddenly light on your feet, and are moving easily through the motions. that little bit of sunlight is reason enough to have a cheery disposition.
This--is my favorite time of year. when the sun peeks around the clouds reminding you there is something beyond the snowy, miserable days that have been haunting us since November. These first few days where you tentatively roll down your car window, hoping you won't jinx it. You turn your radio up just a little bit louder, which for some reason always makes things a little better. you cross your fingers that maybe... you have turned the corner and you can kiss the cold goodbye until 6 months later... and open your arms and be eased into the concept of no coats and sunglasses.
along with the sunny skis brings sunny memories. not only is your mood awakened, but your thoughts and dreams as well. last year's summertime comes crashing back, the smiles you shared, the love you gave, and the ease of falling into the arms of the people you love. your dreams come back in full force, and you allow yourself to fall back and consider making them a reality. wishing for the love and support from those select few people who could lay next to you and dream right there with you. Whether you wish and hope for the same outcome, the changing of the seasons is just the excuse you need to close your eyes and take yourself there.
it's amazing the emotions that surface when you feel the concept of warmth again. You are awakened from this slumber you may not have even known you were in. it's like you are suddenly light on your feet, and are moving easily through the motions. that little bit of sunlight is reason enough to have a cheery disposition.
This--is my favorite time of year. when the sun peeks around the clouds reminding you there is something beyond the snowy, miserable days that have been haunting us since November. These first few days where you tentatively roll down your car window, hoping you won't jinx it. You turn your radio up just a little bit louder, which for some reason always makes things a little better. you cross your fingers that maybe... you have turned the corner and you can kiss the cold goodbye until 6 months later... and open your arms and be eased into the concept of no coats and sunglasses.
along with the sunny skis brings sunny memories. not only is your mood awakened, but your thoughts and dreams as well. last year's summertime comes crashing back, the smiles you shared, the love you gave, and the ease of falling into the arms of the people you love. your dreams come back in full force, and you allow yourself to fall back and consider making them a reality. wishing for the love and support from those select few people who could lay next to you and dream right there with you. Whether you wish and hope for the same outcome, the changing of the seasons is just the excuse you need to close your eyes and take yourself there.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Justified Emotions
The sky could be blue, I don't mind. Without you it's a waste of time
i'm an unfair person sometimes. or maybe, i'm just too wrapped up in the way things are and refuse to realize that things change. I take advantage of the relationships i have, and expect them to be lifelong. forever.
but then that moment happens. where you find something out that you really have no business being upset about. none at all. but that pang of jealousy, sadness and uncertainty hits you like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden you're uneasy. and unsure. and not sure how to respond. especially, since its anything but bad news. in fact, for the person you love, it is potential life changing happy news. but again. it alters your universe just a little bit. so you are left with a bitter taste in your mouth.
the morality of relationships have boundaries, but sometimes those boundaries are just guidelines. and well adjusted to. until the exponential factor, the variable that you didn't count for enters the equation and everything is off kilter. the unsettling feeling that never existed, appears and the fidgeting begins and words get lost.
You adjust. you have to adjust, otherwise, say goodbye to anything and everything that ever was. molding yourself to the new guidelines and expectations is hard, and it hurts, but to savor anything... it's a must. to justify the strength of the relationship is put to the test, but if you can hang on to that same goal in mind, that without each other, everything is just a waste of time, you'll find the solution to any equation.
i'm an unfair person sometimes. or maybe, i'm just too wrapped up in the way things are and refuse to realize that things change. I take advantage of the relationships i have, and expect them to be lifelong. forever.
but then that moment happens. where you find something out that you really have no business being upset about. none at all. but that pang of jealousy, sadness and uncertainty hits you like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden you're uneasy. and unsure. and not sure how to respond. especially, since its anything but bad news. in fact, for the person you love, it is potential life changing happy news. but again. it alters your universe just a little bit. so you are left with a bitter taste in your mouth.
the morality of relationships have boundaries, but sometimes those boundaries are just guidelines. and well adjusted to. until the exponential factor, the variable that you didn't count for enters the equation and everything is off kilter. the unsettling feeling that never existed, appears and the fidgeting begins and words get lost.
You adjust. you have to adjust, otherwise, say goodbye to anything and everything that ever was. molding yourself to the new guidelines and expectations is hard, and it hurts, but to savor anything... it's a must. to justify the strength of the relationship is put to the test, but if you can hang on to that same goal in mind, that without each other, everything is just a waste of time, you'll find the solution to any equation.
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