There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody.
its easy to ignore things when you don't allow yourself to be put in the position to be reminded about the things you are missing.
So then, where is the crime. living the life you are living knowing deep down you aren't completely satisfied... or accepting the life you're living, because it's the path you have chosen... and yet continuing to put yourself in the position of being reminded that you may be missing out on things. allowing yourself to experiences things that you should have experienced a long time ago. but are limited due to the choices you've made.
do you owe it to yourself to move forward with this life in front of you because you made the choice. you're committed. you want deep down, to make things work, even if you know that something will forever be missing. Can you live with that.
More importantly, do you want to. what gives. In the end, what will be the victor. Who will win. And why do you always find yourself tumbling in this direction, in one way or another. right when you feel you've put it to bed, you have come to terms with things, it reenters your life. and rocks you like lightning.
The truth collides with your reality when you least expect it. or maybe, you do expect it. and maybe you need it to hit you a few times to jolt you out of your so called reality in order to realize your reality isn't yours, but everybody elses. How do you juggle your wants and your needs... plus the longevity expectations and desires. How do you know when to take that step into the direction of the cold, dark alley where you, very well could alter your universe forever.
How selfish will you be. How many people are you willing to hurt, are you willing to turn against you. How many judgmental individuals will surface. How many people would you lose. and is it worth it... for a simple feeling?
Monday, May 21, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Ultimatums
Coercing or leaving
Shutting down and punishing
Running from rooms, defending
Withholding, justifying
Do you ever just wake up and suddenly feel like you have opened your eyes for the first time. whether it's because of a feeling, and experience, or something unexplainable? Like one of those claritan commericals where suddenly you can see clearly now when the life you thought you were seeing was only a facade? yeah. that.
Sometimes, you gain a bit of courage that you always knew you had, but was never able to expose. You may not know where it comes from, or, perhaps, it's exactly that experience that has let out your inner strength. it's a strange feeling to suddenly feel numb about a situation that you know you should have very strong feelings about. But you're so numb, so mindblown, that you make your decision based on what you truly feel. rather than analyzing what's right or wrong. or what other people would expect you do do. For that moment, you don't fucking care about any consequences.
Strangely, it's a relief. to get it out. to explain how it is. and put your foot down. and say absolutely not. that you are finished. done. and nothing is going to change your mind. The calmness is creepy, when you make your statement about how serious you are about what it is that you are deciding. and leaving the door open for that person to do what it is they choose. to make the situation right, or to make it wrong, and incidently change the life as they know it forever. the life as i know it.
Done defending. Done playing games. Done feeling hopeless and depressed. This is day one. this is step one. where you choose to step next could be your destiny. you choose.
Shutting down and punishing
Running from rooms, defending
Withholding, justifying
Do you ever just wake up and suddenly feel like you have opened your eyes for the first time. whether it's because of a feeling, and experience, or something unexplainable? Like one of those claritan commericals where suddenly you can see clearly now when the life you thought you were seeing was only a facade? yeah. that.
Sometimes, you gain a bit of courage that you always knew you had, but was never able to expose. You may not know where it comes from, or, perhaps, it's exactly that experience that has let out your inner strength. it's a strange feeling to suddenly feel numb about a situation that you know you should have very strong feelings about. But you're so numb, so mindblown, that you make your decision based on what you truly feel. rather than analyzing what's right or wrong. or what other people would expect you do do. For that moment, you don't fucking care about any consequences.
Strangely, it's a relief. to get it out. to explain how it is. and put your foot down. and say absolutely not. that you are finished. done. and nothing is going to change your mind. The calmness is creepy, when you make your statement about how serious you are about what it is that you are deciding. and leaving the door open for that person to do what it is they choose. to make the situation right, or to make it wrong, and incidently change the life as they know it forever. the life as i know it.
Done defending. Done playing games. Done feeling hopeless and depressed. This is day one. this is step one. where you choose to step next could be your destiny. you choose.
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