Ultimatums

Coercing or leaving
Shutting down and punishing
Running from rooms, defending
Withholding, justifying


Do you ever just wake up and suddenly feel like you have opened your eyes for the first time. whether it's because of a feeling, and experience, or something unexplainable? Like one of those claritan commericals where suddenly you can see clearly now when the life you thought you were seeing was only a facade? yeah. that.

Sometimes, you gain a bit of courage that you always knew you had, but was never able to expose. You may not know where it comes from, or, perhaps, it's exactly that experience that has let out your inner strength. it's a strange feeling to suddenly feel numb about a situation that you know you should have very strong feelings about. But you're so numb, so mindblown, that you make your decision based on what you truly feel. rather than analyzing what's right or wrong. or what other people would expect you do do. For that moment, you don't fucking care about any consequences.

Strangely, it's a relief. to get it out. to explain how it is. and put your foot down. and say absolutely not. that you are finished. done. and nothing is going to change your mind. The calmness is creepy, when you make your statement about how serious you are about what it is that you are deciding. and leaving the door open for that person to do what it is they choose. to make the situation right, or to make it wrong, and incidently change the life as they know it forever. the life as i know it.

Done defending. Done playing games. Done feeling hopeless and depressed. This is day one. this is step one. where you choose to step next could be your destiny. you choose.