pause.

Close your eyes not your mind. Let me into your soul



wowowow. i feel like i took a short detour to my life last week. tho, not my choice. 
being sick is never fun. tho, i almost think it was good for me... so i could subconsciously let my mind
forget about the things that i am going to end up giving myself an ulcer over. because i dont have as
much control as i would like to believe.

being sick for 3 days allowed me to watch all my old school favorite daytime shows, full house, ER,
saved by the bell. I sorta felt like Zack Morris when he says "time out" and everything pauses until
after he addresses the camera, or his audience and, he has the control to say "time in" again.
strangely, i am rather calm about everything that could potentially be considered chaotic or rather big
steps or changes that will be happening in two weeks. which, to most, is no big deal. but as many of
you know... most minor things are major with me. and major things are earth shattering.

not saying im dramatic. or, have a false sense of reality, really. yah, perhaps i tend to avoid reality at
times... but it doesn't mean i am not aware of it. i just... well, you know. i'm me. that's really all
there is to it. :p

basically, despite the difference i may be feeling right now about things, i've learned that i may be able
to close my eyes.. for long periods of time to escape things. and, i may take more detours, (hopefully
more desirable ones, and not bedridden ones...) but in the end, when i wake up, everything will still
be here. i cant shut off my mind, my heart, my thoughts. even if i do push them aside for a while,
whether it is on purpose, or not. and, i'm okay with that.

and, can i just say, that i <3 adam lambert and his new song? soooo sexy. (don't make fun!) :D