Are we denying a crisis or are we scared of admitting it
sometimes my mind... amazes me. the way it works, making me feeling certain things, say certain things, react certain ways... sometimes i hate how i can think so much and dwell on something for so long... and create these facades that exist. i like to pretend... and sort of create my own life inside my head. its like a constant game of make believe. seriously... sometimes i feel like i should go back to being a lil kid again. i think i play the dreamer/child role... better than this adult life i am suppose to be living.
sometimes.... i feel like i'm in limbo. like, i don't really belong... anywhere. it's strange... a sudden flash of confusion, out of nowhere. like, "what exactly am i doing right now... and why?" it's so hard to explain, it's almost like a mini crisis. but instead of... assessing it, i will push it away. push it back. until it comes to haunt me again. when i least expect it.
sometimes... i think i take things for granted. i really do have a reason to be... satisfied. to be... dare i say... happy? or at least, appreciate certain aspects of my life. lately... i've realized how much i depend on my friends. those whom i love. i didn't realize hearing their voices, seeing their faces... feeling their love and reassurance... could comfort me as much as it does. i never realized how much i NEEDED it. I've also realized that i can be that same person for my friends. that the security they give me, the... everything. that i can be the same to them. knowing i am needed? wanted? missed? makes me feel... worth it.
sometimes... having my kitteh greet me at the door when i come home and eagerly await me to settle on the couch with my computer so she can curl up and purr next to me... sometimes, that's enough to make me stop pretending and smile about reality.
mew :)
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