teeter totter

when you're feeling sad and blue you should know that you are the sun and the moon to me


today has been a shitty day. well, not entirely. but, a lot of it. i feel so swallowed by everything right now! my emotions are torn, and i just need to b.a.l.a.n.c.e. everything.

how do i let myself go on these emotional rollercoasters? I hate rollercoasters in the literal sense. and i can't seem to get off this ride. it's an endless amusement park trip gone bad. honestly.

i feel like i learn more and more each day that i honestly cannot control my reactions to certain situations. and it seems like i ALWAYS have the wrong reactions. like, when i should be extremely happy, i panic. when i should be sad. or wishing for happiness... i rather wallow in the sadness or, whatever feeling it is that i am feeling.

why does it seem that everything good in my life has to be altered on one way or another? i feel so secure about certain relationships i have, friendships... levels of these friendships... and within a blink of an eye, its like, holy wow. what happened? did i imagine EVERYTHING that happened between us? how can something so REAL so.... routine and desirable so comfortable on both ends... just disappear?

balance. no extremes. focus. relax. accept. understand... i dont have to have my feet up off the ground all the time, in limbo, waiting for someone to sit on the other side of my teeter totter to balance it for me. with the effort, i can find myself on solid ground.

somehow.