explosives.

there's no one here and people every where

i went to the mall today. for the first time in a long time. i felt it was something to distract me from the nothingness going on my life. it was a madhouse. it was like the day before christmas. the parking lot was packed. it took me 20 minutes to find a parking spot. i walk in to be swarmed with people shopping, getting their make-up done at the macy's counters and in line at dressing rooms. i was surrounded by people. i had to maneuver my way around children, and families, and everyone who decided the mall was the place to be this afternoon.

i have never felt more alone in my entire life.

i'm really reaching the end of my ropes when it comes to certain situations. i just dont want to play these fucking games anymore. maybe it's me, but i feel myself getting easily irritated. and it's beginning to bother me. i shouldn't fucking care. i really shouldnt. but, sometimes, its sorta a slap in the face. even tho, i have no say in what is right and what is wrong. all i know is this:

i can have my opinions.

period.

im sick of being second guessed. im sick of second guessing myself. i feel like deserve something. ANYTHING positive in my life right now. i'm so sick of being let down, and not being picked back up again.

i just want to explode and be something new. i want to not have any regrets and do and say whatever the hell i want. i dont want to answer to anyone but myself.