is it just for show
just a foolish game that you hide behind
i dont know whats going on today. i just feel entirely... lame. and i dont care. and dont feel like doing anything. and, i dont want to do anything. i dont even want to not want to do anything. if that makes sense.
normally, i miss things. people. experiences. memories. and i yearn for that feeling that i recognize and i always know where i can find it. but today... i dont even know what that feeling is. it's like my insides are hollow with no emotion to wanting, no nothing. it's almost like i could really stop caring. and that's way out of my realm. to stop caring. even if i wanted to. i dont know how to.
but i miss things. i really do. i miss when things didnt matter. i miss being young. and innocent. and niave to the real things in life. i miss my rebel days. i miss my sassy attitude. i miss major/minor details of growing up.
i hope i can shake this emptiness. this feeling of being lost. it is unsettling. and so not me. i want to dig deep. and smile. and be found.
I feel lame all the time! Seriously though, I think you'll be okay. I've been sort of blah the past couple of weeks, but it's not so bad when you realize that even when you feel empty, you have friends and family who won't let you stop caring. If you of all people stop caring about things, my faith in humanity is lost.
ReplyDelete