jealousy.

You're my head, You're my heart. You can't choose what stays and what fades away. And I'd do anything to make you stay

Jealousy is quite possibly one of the worst emotions one can experience. the power in which it engulfs you when you least expect it. the uncertainties of when it will go away. and the point blank reality that whatever it is that is causing you to feel this way is 99.9 percent of the time, is ultimately out of your control.

sometimes just a song, a name, a picture... will spark this lovely emotion and you just want to throw down your fists and throw a tantrum because you feel helpless to do anything else to make the feeling go away. the unintentional spite of those who are causing you jealousy spreads like fire when you suddenly feel heat and hatred towards these individuals and/or experiences.... and most often, they have no idea, or do not deserve your despise. 

the worst is when you have absolutely no right to be jealous over anything of the sort about whatever it is that you are jealous about. perhaps thats what create the jealousy to begin with. because you know you dont have the right. not that anyone ever has a "right" to be jealous. but sometimes, it can be argued to be justified. those situations where it's not. and you still are haunted by the unflattering emotion creates turmoil and misunderstanding for yourself and the people around you who are directly, or indirectly, affected by this parasite of an emotion.

its quite fascinating, really. to experience the pull of jealousy for the first time. a true lack of control emotion that slams against you over and over again like a switch that you aren't powering on and off, but someone else, something else, is, without even realizing what its doing to you.

keep fighting. don't let it win.