Demons

I held your heart, a giant wand; all tell of sorrow and history begins to be blue and brown eyes.

It's unnerving when something you're entirely excited about looking forward to falls through and your first response is relief. Shocking, actually. 

I tend to realize that often times the emotion you expect to feel in high intensity situations is not always the emotion that shines through. Which, is intimidating in itself. but, what i think you need to focus on is not what is expected, but what you truly feel. and take a step back. because you can think about something, analyze something in a million different ways, but the emotions will rock you in a way that no amount of preparation can.

Then it throws you for a loop with everything else that in currently happening in your world. making you question every single emotion, every single act that you take part of, wondering if what you think is going to happen, what you expect, is truly going to be forthcoming. I suppose that's part of the beauty of life. you never know what to expect.

until the demons creep out and haunt you every thought. the nagging that you want to push deeper and deeper just keeps clawing back at you. but the hardest part is your ears are open. you're listening. waiting. but for what? what is your answer? what do you do to not only tell yourself your confident in the direction your headed, but believe it, too?

often times i lean on what i know. my comfort. my history. my loves. because they remind me that i'm me. and i'm encouraged to hold my own and stand strong. the eyes and minds and dreams of my favorite people can comfort me in a way that encompasses me, ridding myself of any anxiety. But the history can sometimes just remain that. history. how do you know when history needs to remain history, and not continue to be dug up, time and time again-- creating even more of the unwelcome demons that you try so hard to fight off?