Point of no return

Grabbing victory out of the jaws of defeat

Pretty sure there needs to be an off button to your thought processes. at least, the negative ones. or, the ones that you know deep down are entirely trivial and ridiculous, yet, you can't help thinking them, and you can't push them away no matter how hard you try. and of course, each and every action, or lack there of, only adds fuel to the fire regarding the entire situation.

Sometimes, it's like you have ventured so far that there's no turning back. you can't just shut yourself out of a situation that you have vested so much time, energy... and emotion into.

and then there's the simple things. the little things that you pay no attention to, until they happen, and result into a genuine smile, a honest glimpse of happiness... when you least expect it. out of nowhere. it's quite amazing how i allow those glimmers of happiness sneak it. especially when it doesn't relate at all to the situation at hand.

or maybe, there isn't a situation. and you are only creating it for yourself. perhaps, your idea of a stagnate lifestyle isn't the same ideology of other people that is in your life. perhaps, they choose to move forward, at least, move somewhere, other than living in the past within the memories. often times, the memories of sadness.

taking a step back, and a step into the real world, i can do my best to look at the bright side. and whereas things may not be heading in the direction i choose, i can take what i can and consider it an accomplishment. perhaps i need to let go, and accept the moving forward concept. and accept that it will just have to be justified as the current reality. but i can still hold on to the fact that if it weren't for me, your current reality may not exist. so, perhaps the memories i do hold on to aren't always the most positive ones for you. but for me, i like knowing that in those moments, i mattered. more than anyone else. perhaps more than i ever will again. to you, or anyone else. in those moments, i didn't feel defeat. but, victorious. that i helped you move on. when you felt your walls crumbling down. i helped you set the foundation again. and because of that, i will accept that my place in your world may not be as important as it once was. because i helped you build your palace and help you make it where it is today.