bend me, break me

I think I'm paranoid
And complicated

this will not be another cliche entry about the new year, new resolutions, and commitments and change. because, frankly, i have had enough change, and this year will bring forth more, i already know. Because, in the end, the whole concept of a new year, and a new beginning.... its all the same. every day is a new beginning, and there is nothing stopping you from making tomorrow, or whenever, your... fresh start.

that being said... some beginnings are better than others. i woke up last night in a panic, for whatever reason, i dont know. i just get so.... anxious and have anxiety attacks when i least expect them. it almost happened in the middle of the day at work, too. i get paranoid. and nervous about alll the things i need to accomplish. and i start to shut down. lately, it seems to just hit me all at once, when i least expect it. which makes it harder to get over.

i dont know how flexible i can be, how far i can bend, before i end up breaking. in one way or another. something will disapear. and i think i know this. which leads to... nerves. i make this out to be much harder than it needs to be.

b.r.e.a.t.h.e.

i accept the challenges and uncertianties. because one thing i DO want to take with me this year, is the acceptance that with the good, comes the bad. and, without sounding preachy sometimes the bad ends up being more of an experience than the good. im ready to give it a go. because no matter what, no matter how complicated it becomes, i am me when the sun comes up, and i'll be the same when the sun goes down.